CRISIS: Daily Mail’s Caps Lock button has broken

The Daily Mail newspaper is in crisis after the Caps Lock button on its keyboard broke following overuse. The editorial board of the right-wing rag have convened a special emergency crisis meeting aimed at resolving the issue. Some insiders have suggested writing headlines using really big marker pens in the interim to reassure readers that…

Everyone looking for someone more important to talk to

Everyone is now looking over the shoulder of the person they are talking to in order to find someone more important or interesting to engage in conversation research has found. The research, published today, observed both social and professional meetings of human beings. In all instances conversations were not had face to face but at…

HS3 to be built by 10th of Never

The Government have endorsed plans to build a high speed rail link across the Pennines as long as it never happens. The plans are set out in a report out today which reveals that it currently takes a day and a half to travel between Manchester and Leeds by train. Other less important details, such…

North to get new stagecoach road

Originally posted on notlondonnews:
A new stagecoach road is to be built across the North of England it has been announced. The government have agreed to fund the £15,000 scheme which will be completed in 2026.  Horse drawn vehicles will run along the track with journey times between Manchester and Newcastle cut to just seven…

Cameron: We WILL NOT pay Tuvalu a penny

David Cameron has gone even further in his efforts to prove that he’s as angry about other countries as you by saying he won’t pay any money to any other countries or international organisations. Following angry reactions by Tory and UKIP voters in response to demands from the EU that the UK should contribute a…