North to be given second hand go-karts

Commuters in the North of England are to be given second hand peddle go-karts under a scheme designed by the government to stop hard pressed commuters moaning about how bad the trains in the North are.

Whilst the majority of people in the North are too lazy to work, a substantial minority undertake paid work, usually down the mines or in cotton factories. In recent months a number of ungrateful northerners have been banging on about the state of the Pacer trains which operate on many lines in the North of England.

Pacer trains, basically the body of bus attached to some wheels, were introduced in the 1980s as a temporary solution to a lack of rolling stock. Ministers at the time argued in vain that there wasn’t any need for any trains in the North and that the people should make use of canal barges should they wish, for some odd reason, to travel from one northern town to another. However, they relented and agreed to provide the North with the most basic rolling stock available.

Pacer trains continue to be used across the North and many uppity northerners have started to complain that they are unreliable and out-of-date. In response, the Government intend to take steps which ensure northerners are grateful for what they’ve got.

Government Minister Maurice Hapsburg MP said, “We’ve had enough of northerners moaning on so we’ve ordered rail companies to cease all services north of Stoke and we’re going to hand out peddle go-karts to people waiting at train stations tomorrow morning. Let’s see how they like that. Once they realise how good they’ve had it, we’ll tell the companies to start the Pacer trains back up. Bloody northerners.”

Northern Rail Pic

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