Daily Mail Online to ignore election

Editors of the Daily Mail’s online website have banned any content relating to the UK’s general election as it isn’t titillating enough, it has been revealed.  A Mail insider spoke exclusively to Not London News saying, “there’s no way we’re going to distract our readers from pictures of a scantily clad Kim Kardashian by reporting…

Danny Alexander rediscovers backbone whilst searching for the long lost treasure of One Eyed Willie

Alexander and his friends were searching for treasure using a Spanish treasure map they found in the attic. Lib Dem Treasury spokesperson Danny Alexander has revealed he accidently stumbled across his backbone last night. The Beaker lookalike, who has revealed Tory plans to cut Child Benefit in today’s Guardian, says he misplaced his backbone about…

“Let’s just call him a twat and be done with it” say exhausted Daily Mail journalists working in anti-Miliband sweatshop

Morale at the some time fascist loving Daily Mail newspaper is said to be at rock bottom amid reports that journalists are exhausted by efforts to undermine Labour leader Ed Miliband.  Working in a purpose built sweatshop in which Mail journalists have to produce 4000 words of copy slagging off the Labour leader per hour, a leaked…

Sturgeon not sure what SNP stands for

Nicola Sturgeon has admitted that no one in the SNP can remember what the ‘S’, ‘N’ and ‘P’ in the name of the party actually stands for, it has emerged. Speaking to journalists the part-time SNP leader, who spends the rest of the week working as a Jimmy Krankie impersonator said, “We just don’t know…