Glaswegians have politely invited the Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith, to come up to Scotland and re-enact the double fist pump celebration he displayed during last week’s budget.
Duncan Smith has spent the last five years on a one man crusade to make the lives of people living in poverty even shitter. The bald, and one time rubbish leader of the Tory Party, couldn’t control his delight when hearing the Chancellor announce huge cuts to tax credits and Employment Support Allowance during the Budget, celebrating like a man wielding two machine guns.
Friend and colleague Henry Everyman MP said, “Iain was over the moon last week and salivating over the prospect of already poor people being made poorer. He’s being all coy about his double fist pump celebration, but I’ve seen him practising that in front of the mirror in his office.”
Duncan Smith became passionate about making people poorer on visiting the Easterhouse estate in Glasgow ten years ago. He was particularly disgusted that poor people had roofs over their heads and food to eat. Since the Tories got back into power in 2010, he’s overseen a huge surge in people relying on foodbanks, a big increase in homelessness and is hopeful that child poverty will rise by one million over the coming years. This track record means he’s seen as one of the government’s most successful ministers.
Glaswegian Dave Ramsbottom said, “I remember him coming up to Easterhouse ten years ago and treating it like a visit to a zoo. He thought we were wonderful curiosities and secretly admitted to me that, prior to his visit, he didn’t really believe working class people existed. He’d never been north of Birmingham before, apparently. Wouldn’t it be lovely if he came back up here and did his double fist pump celebration in front of us, we could have a nice big gathering. We’d hold it in the local community centre, but that’s been closed following the cuts. Maybe we’ll just hold it in a derelict car park and give him a lovely Glasgow welcome. We promise not to set him on fire, honest.”
The government have said the security costs associated with the visit make it un-feasible.