Southerners still in hibernation

People in the South of England remain in their annual state of hibernation despite it being spring, it has emerged. Southerners, the only humans on the island of Britain to hibernate each winter continue to stay cocooned within their homes, with the heating on full blast 24 hours a day or in the case of…

Britain to be one massive motorway

David Cameron has said he hopes Britain will be one massive motorway by 2030 following an announcement that the government plans to spend a shitload of money on roads. The motorway will start at John O’ Groats in Scotland and end in Land’s End in Cornwall with junctions every mile and tributary roads linking it…

HS3 to be built by 10th of Never

The Government have endorsed plans to build a high speed rail link across the Pennines as long as it never happens. The plans are set out in a report out today which reveals that it currently takes a day and a half to travel between Manchester and Leeds by train. Other less important details, such…

Research to uncover how northerners get around

The government is to inject more funding into a project looking into how people in cities such as Sheffield, Newcastle and Leeds get around. It follows an initial piece of research that found that London’s tube system doesn’t extend as far as previously thought. Guy Christian, Director of the think tank Thinkers who undertook the…